6 Reasons Why Yelling at Kids Doesn’t Actually Work

Yelling is a common response for many parents in moments of frustration or anger. However, experts agree that this method does not effectively encourage the behavior we hope to see in our children. Understanding the impacts of yelling and exploring alternative strategies can greatly improve how we interact with our kids, especially during challenging moments.

1. Kids Can’t Learn in “Fight-or-Flight Mode”

When children are yelled at, their immediate reaction is often fear, which triggers a fight-or-flight response. According to experts this physiological state shuts down the learning centers of the brain. In this mode, children are unable to absorb lessons or reflect on their behavior because they perceive the yelling as a threat. Conversely, calm and peaceful communication fosters a safe environment where children are much more receptive to learning and understanding.

2. Yelling Can Make Children Feel Devalued

Feeling valued is crucial for everyone’s self-worth, especially for children who are still developing their sense of self. Dr. Joseph Shrand, an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, notes that yelling can quickly make children feel worthless and question their capabilities. This can damage their self-esteem, making them see themselves in a negative light, which is counterproductive to fostering a positive and supportive relationship.

3. Yelling Can Fuel Anxiety, Depression, and Lower Self-Esteem

Research shows that children who are frequently yelled at may experience higher levels of anxiety and depression. These emotional states are exacerbated by the negative atmosphere created by yelling. Dr. Neil Bernstein, a clinical psychologist, explains that being subjected to such intense negativity can have long-lasting effects on a child’s emotional well-being, contributing to an increase in mental health issues.

4. Yelling Interferes with Bonding

Yelling disrupts the emotional connection between a parent and child, often leading to feelings of defensiveness and defiance rather than cooperation. Dr. Markham stresses that a secure bond is crucial for effective parenting, and yelling only serves to put your “relationship bank account in the red,” making it difficult to build empathy and understanding.